This adventure starts pre-Covid 19 at the Burns Pub and Restaurant in Broomfield, Colorado, a nice little place with a restaurant and attached hotel. Having a few rounds with Frank Melville, President of Phonesuite, VTech Vice-President of Hospitality Sales Chad Collins and VTech sales Engineer Simon Bradbrook, I ordered a glass of scotch that had a description something like “ginger-haired maidens traipsing through the heather on a fine summer day.”
I ordered my drink with one large ice cube. The barkeep, a somber man with an apron and a cap, approached our table. “Sir,” he said, “I’ll serve your whisky the way you want but first there are a few things I must tell you.”
A Whiskey Intervention
Sit down with five whisk[e]y drinkers and you will come away with at least 15 different ways to drink it. Some like it straight. Some add a little water or soda and some craft lavish cocktails. But aside from throwing something gross like broccoli in your glass, what is the one thing you should never add to your scotch, bourbon or other flavor of whiskey?
To answer that question, I polled some of the top whiskey slingers in the Las Angeles metro, Bourbon Street in New Orleans and the Swank and Swine whiskey shrine in Portland, Oregon. It was hard research involving good steaks, dark, comfortable bars, a few amazing glasses of the water of life and friendly conversation with some very intelligent folks.
Whiskey According to Charcoal
I started at Charcoal in Venice Beach, California. Charcoal is one of my favorite places not only for its phenomenal, dry aged meats but for the friendly [sometimes elbow to elbow] vibe and a solid whiskey collection served by sharp bartenders. They have a varied and oft-changing whiskey cocktail list and can serve up a few fingers with a large cube if desired. I dined at the bar and polled bartenders Flavia and Eric on their thoughts on how to ruin a glass of whiskey.
Flavia’s first drink killer was cranberry juice. “It’s too tart and overpowers the things that make whiskey good on its own,” she said.
Her bar partner Eric put the beat-down on vegetable juice, especially carrot or onion. He also gave two thumbs-down to spices like turmeric. His other “no” was diet sodas. The artificial sweeteners did not compliment whiskey in his opinion.
While their selection had all the best selling American and European whiskies, their current recommendation was High West, a whiskey made in America but with the smoky characteristics of an Islay scotch. I lean towards bourbon myself but there is no such thing as bad whisk[e]y and I did enjoy it. Visit Charcoal Venice at https://www.charcoalvenice.com/.
The Bourbon House
Moving on, my travels took me to the Big Easy. Nightfall found me wandering Bourbon Street a few blocks down from Canal. In big red letters a sign proclaimed, “Bourbon House.” I dodged a small jazzy parade, a set of chrome green beads tossed my way and ducked inside.
I expected some campy tourist spot. Instead I found myself in the family manor of the New Orleans Bourbon Society, standing eye to bottle with about 250 different whiskeys of all kinds. I took a seat at the bar, ordered shrimp and grits and stuck up a conversation with Antonio, the Bar Captain. As he signed me up in the New Orleans Bourbon Society [a club I was happy to join], we talked about the merits of different whiskeys and what it took to ruin them.
Being on Bourbon Street in a Brennan’s restaurant, I was surprised that his number one “nos” for whiskey were pineapple and grenadine. These might be great for a Hurricane, that iconic New Orleans cocktail, but not for whiskey. I ran cranberry juice past Antonio and he thought it had potential, the tartness being a positive where the Charcoal bartenders saw it as a negative.
We got to Bloody Mary mix. He agreed that in his opinion tomato, Worcestershire and whiskey did not work but said that the bar occasionally ran whiskey Bloody Mary specials for the novelty value. That comment drew some comments from the other patrons at the bar and while I ate my shrimp and grits, the conversation took a life of its own and netted out that really, all taste preferences aside, the only thing that universally ruins whiskey is too much ice or water. After one of their signature cocktails for dessert, a Bourbon Milk Punch, which is basically a delicious bourbon milkshake, it was back to the west. Next time you are in New Orleans be sure to visit this whiskey shrine at http://www.bourbonhouse.com/new_orleans_bourbon_society.
Portland Favorite Swank and Swine
My last stop on the tour was Swank and Swine, a newer gem in the Portland dining scene with a library-like lineup of bourbons, ryes, Canadians and world whiskeys. Swank and Swine, located in the Paramount Hotel, is two establishments located across the hotel lobby from each other. Swank is the restaurant and Swine Moonshine and Whiskey Bar is the drinking establishment. We were there at the invitation of Executive Chef Alexander Sullivan-Parker to try some of their small plate dishes.
General Manager Ross Favors met us at the door and very graciously walked through their whiskey selection with a flight of very bourbons. After a series of Sullivan-Parker’s incredible small plates we got on the topic of mixers and he pulled in one of his bartenders to join the discussion. Their first “no” was cranberry juice followed by pineapple juice. They agreed on the mix of vegetable juices and spices that both Charcoal and Bourbon House had frowned upon. On the topic of Bloody Mary mix, Swine, like Bourbon House, occasionally runs a Whiskey Mary special that does OK for them. Their one thing that kills whiskey? Too much water.
I have to say that we had such a good meal…and a good time…at Swank and Swine that it will become one of our regular haunts. Alexander and Ross, thanks again. http://www.swankandswine.com.
Back to the beginning at Burns Pub. “Sir,” said the barkeep very politely, “I cannot think of a faster way to ruin the wonderful whisky you have selected than diluting it with that much water.”
He proceeded to take an eyedropper and place just a few drops of water into my glass. “Just a wee bit of water will open the flavor, so you can get the unique notes that make this whisky so special.”
This schooling happened much to the laughter of my friends and with an embarrassed grin, I enjoyed one of the best scotches ever. Thus began my quest to learn what can make a whiskey great…or take it to the ground.
What I learned personally is that I prefer bourbons with one large cube, often called a gentleman’s cube. It melts at just the right rate to keep my whiskey comfortably strong and flavorful. Scotches I drink with a small splash of water.
If there is a moral to this story it is that we all know that taste is amazingly subjective. Now that I have bashed veggie juice, I am sure there is at least one guy out there who’s day is not complete without a shot of onion and rye. Mix it with what you will but too much water or too much ice will dilute the notes of caramel, vanilla and oak that make all whiskeys so damn good.
Cheers and Aloha,
John Sauer
The Whiskey Don’t List
The 5 Mixers That Will Ruin Your Whiskey
- Anything diet
- Cranberry Juice
- Vegetable Juices [carrot, onion, celery, etc.
- Spices like tumeric
The One Thing That Will Ruin Your Whiskey: too much water or ice